I have always hated forwards. Occasionally I'll check out some of the "Amazing Photo" forwards, but I feel that they're always cheapened by the likelihood that they are photoshopped. Like that shot of the huge great white clamping onto the rescue diver hanging from a helicopter's rope ladder- I would hate to be that guy, and I would hate for that to happen to anyone... but you can't argue that it would make an amazing picture- certainly worthy of a decent forward (if there is such a thing). This discussion of forwards is definitely old territory... from a time when e-mail was a "new", "fun" thing that people were starting to do... something "novel". Now, people only send forwards to frustrated co-workers, who then talk about how lame the sender is with all the other co-workers around the water cooler. And as you know, every respectable place of employment has a specific area carefully designated as "the water cooler". It's where everyone talks about everything you should know about.
The real reason I'm writing about forwards is that I wanted to indirectly get to bad advertising. Forwards are ads for products that aren't being sold, which certainly explains most normal peoples' natural aversion. It's trying to sell you a worthless nothing... they really just want to take up your time as you scroll through what must be yards and yards of digital nonsense that some bozo took hours to make... perfectly representing Buddha with "@" symbols and dashes.
Anyways....
Bad advertising. You see plenty of it on the sides of web pages where it bores into your subconscious. You want to play that game to win the IPod... whether it's to punch George Bush in the head, catch the baby, or smash the red tarantula. It's always tempting; you've had a day peppered with failure and you see this opportunity- "yeah... I could shoot that duck". You want to go for it, but you know that approximately 15 new windows are going to pop up and you won't even have the satisfaction of completing the game.
Bad advertising. "Learn the secret that no one wants you to know about ________." This secret could literally be about anything. People have had bad ideas since the beginning of time, and the internet now makes these bad ideas travel must faster. I shudder to think of the things doctors will be treating when our generation reaches retirement and beyond. "I learned this secret online that promised to make my __________ (bigger/ smaller) in 2-4 months! No one wanted me to know this!" When there are secrets, human nature drives us to seek the truth... to find out these mysterious things that THE MAN perpetually keeps from us. I guess that's technically good advertising, but it's still stupid.
I would like to conclude with some thoughts about the paparazzi. We continually see celebrities' personal lives shattering due to many pressures. There is clearly too much concern over image, and the lives they are forced to lead due to these pressures are twisted. With the additional weight of the monstrous paparazzi forcing them to run to their cars and be blinded 3 times over, it's no wonder they go loco. I don't need to describe the situation in any more detail- you know what I'm talking about.
As a correctional measure aimed at reducing the celebrity insanity trend, I suggest an open season on all paparazzi. If you are a legitimate celebrity, registered on lists A-F, and if you find yourself being bombarded by pesky folk with cameras, you should be able to go on the offensive. Maybe some stars could set up tree stands in LA... put a salt lick at the base of their tree and wait for the bloodthirsty photographers to gather. One by one, they could pick them off. Maybe we could then get rid of Entertainment Tonight. I hope everyone on that show hates themselves every day at work. Based on the pace of the show and its content, they clearly encourage the development of a nation consisting entirely of mindless (dare I say it)... zombies.
Forwards are stupid, internet advertising is a great idea with many bad examples, and the paparazzi are bloodthirsty monsters that are poisoning our culture and potential heroes.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment