With a friend I have now gotten two tattoos in my lifetime- we refer to one another as "tatt-bruthaz".
Few things are as outrageously funny as someone with an awful tattoo. It's permanent proof that you have been a complete idiot at least once in your life, and you may still be. Looking at pictures of the worst online has inspired me to occasionally draw up what I think could be a totally awful tattoo, combining the worst elements of the worst tattoos into one awful piece of potential skin art. Of course, all of these ideas will be available for anyone's use, and totally free. If one inspires you... please- go ahead and take my idea. Send me a picture and I will be laughing for a long time.
In creating the worst tattoos ever, I would need to draw from some of the most standard awful subjects of ridiculous tattoos. I will try to generate a list of what those are.
-stupid personal nicknames
-poorly rendered images of celebrities and /or relatives
-Looney Tunes / cartoon characters/ television characters
-anything that could be described as "psychadelic" or "mystical"
-commercial slogans and soon-to-be-outdated catchphrases
- anything on your head
-cliche Native American designs including things like the dream catcher
-anything with the Confederate flag
-anything involving the words "Mr", "Cool", and "Ice" in any combination
Well, that's enough of a list for now. Soon I shall have some designs ready to share.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Movie Review
We went to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at 12 am Wednesday night, so that it was technically May 22nd. We really liked it. I can see people's potential criticisms of the film with regard to its place among the other I.J. films, and upon hearing that Harrison was in pursuit of a "crystal skull", I thought it would be a significantly less epic pursuit in comparison to the ark or the grail. Not many people know or care much about crystal skulls in our culture- it doesn't dig as into our collective cultural background. But, I thought the movie was great, and I can hardly imagine a better ending for the series.
I can look past all the corny jokes and over-the-top action sequences due to training- I've watched all of the Star Wars movies many times, and once the new ones were released I was let down. Some stuff was just lame. Seemingly unacceptable. BUT... I watched interviews with George Lucas who reminded his audience that these movies were based on vintage action serials... complete with implausible plots, sketchy acting, and cliche moments galore. Understanding that this is the foundation grants the viewer a new-found appreciation of the resulting movie... er... at least it did for me. I can accept Jar Jar Binks. I can accept lame acting in Episodes 2 and 3. I can accept Shia Lebouf's monkey scene in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
I guess the ending of KOTCS was a little abrupt... but I thought the visuals throughout were fantastic, and the plot moved things right along. There were some great lines (even a Han Solo line misplaced) and a plot I was unable to completely predict before I walked in. Just about any mysterious lore from the 50's was satisfyingly combined into one cohesive storyline. I thought it was clever and fitting.
The movie did take Indy a lot further into the sci-fi genre than he had previously gone, but my question would be... where else would he have gone? I tried to think of some possibilities.
Indiana Jones and the Quest for that Lost Ark With the Animals- Too redundant.
I can look past all the corny jokes and over-the-top action sequences due to training- I've watched all of the Star Wars movies many times, and once the new ones were released I was let down. Some stuff was just lame. Seemingly unacceptable. BUT... I watched interviews with George Lucas who reminded his audience that these movies were based on vintage action serials... complete with implausible plots, sketchy acting, and cliche moments galore. Understanding that this is the foundation grants the viewer a new-found appreciation of the resulting movie... er... at least it did for me. I can accept Jar Jar Binks. I can accept lame acting in Episodes 2 and 3. I can accept Shia Lebouf's monkey scene in Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
I guess the ending of KOTCS was a little abrupt... but I thought the visuals throughout were fantastic, and the plot moved things right along. There were some great lines (even a Han Solo line misplaced) and a plot I was unable to completely predict before I walked in. Just about any mysterious lore from the 50's was satisfyingly combined into one cohesive storyline. I thought it was clever and fitting.
The movie did take Indy a lot further into the sci-fi genre than he had previously gone, but my question would be... where else would he have gone? I tried to think of some possibilities.
Indiana Jones and the Quest for that Lost Ark With the Animals- Too redundant.
Indiana Jones and the Search for the Fountain of Youth- Appropriate and necessary at this point, but he already knows where the grail is, which essentially works the same way. And, if he followed Ponce de Leon's hunch, he would have ended up in Florida like most other people his age. The ending might only have been him retiring frustrated to a trailer community somewhere in the interior of the state. A little anticlimactic.
Indiana Jones and the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day- George and Steven would have been sued for sure.
Indiana Jones and the Attempt to Apply for Government Healthcare- The younger generations wouldn't see it.
Indiana Jones and the Attempt to Apply for Government Healthcare- The younger generations wouldn't see it.
Indiana Jones and the Fight Against Advanced V.D.- An adventure years in the making!
Apparently, members of what exists of Russia's communist party (which apparently is still about half of their government) are furious over the movie, which has Russians as the heinous villains, due to the cold war era it is set in. They have gone so far as to make statements threatening Harrison Ford, stating that he will be beaten if he ever tries to step foot on Russian soil. Well, it's easy to make threats against Indiana Jones, but it's difficult to carry them out. Everyone who messes with him either gets shot, or thinks that they get exactly what they want, and then they get destroyed by some wacky supernatural force. Death is certain. Even that monkey (who betrayed Marion) got what was coming to it- no one is excluded. I looked online for information about what Germans thought about the first and third films, in which the Nazi party were the antagonists. What did modern Germans think if that? I'd like to know.
I think one of the things that amazes me about Indiana Jones is that he looks like a bad mamma jamma, and you don't even realize he's wearing a pair of Dockers. He's got dress pants on all the time. He wears the kind of pants a real professor or archaeologist might wear... but he takes care of business in them. When I was little and I wore dress pants, I didn't feel like I could take on jungle natives or the Nazi party. Even now I don't feel that I'd be up to the challenge in dress pants. I'd just look pathetic. They would probably have those stupid pleats in the front too... but even Indy could pull those off... maybe.
Apparently Indiana Jones' simple state of being has offended many modern archaeologists. They consider him a misrepresentation of what they do and stand for. I think I realized this before they ever decided to mention it. If political evil reared its ugly head, I doubt that I would call for the aid of one or more archaeologists- I know that they don't all have whips and guns. Some probably carry slingshots, machetes and other blades, or even light explosives. I think the real reason that modern archaeologists have beef with Indy is that they got into the field because they thought they would be leather-clad chick magnets with a devil-may-care attitude and a free pass to travel to exotic locations to meet exotic women and find "booty" (treasure). Class after class, degree after degree, they thought all of these things would eventually just fall into place... and they never came. Oops.
I liked it!
Apparently, members of what exists of Russia's communist party (which apparently is still about half of their government) are furious over the movie, which has Russians as the heinous villains, due to the cold war era it is set in. They have gone so far as to make statements threatening Harrison Ford, stating that he will be beaten if he ever tries to step foot on Russian soil. Well, it's easy to make threats against Indiana Jones, but it's difficult to carry them out. Everyone who messes with him either gets shot, or thinks that they get exactly what they want, and then they get destroyed by some wacky supernatural force. Death is certain. Even that monkey (who betrayed Marion) got what was coming to it- no one is excluded. I looked online for information about what Germans thought about the first and third films, in which the Nazi party were the antagonists. What did modern Germans think if that? I'd like to know.
I think one of the things that amazes me about Indiana Jones is that he looks like a bad mamma jamma, and you don't even realize he's wearing a pair of Dockers. He's got dress pants on all the time. He wears the kind of pants a real professor or archaeologist might wear... but he takes care of business in them. When I was little and I wore dress pants, I didn't feel like I could take on jungle natives or the Nazi party. Even now I don't feel that I'd be up to the challenge in dress pants. I'd just look pathetic. They would probably have those stupid pleats in the front too... but even Indy could pull those off... maybe.
Apparently Indiana Jones' simple state of being has offended many modern archaeologists. They consider him a misrepresentation of what they do and stand for. I think I realized this before they ever decided to mention it. If political evil reared its ugly head, I doubt that I would call for the aid of one or more archaeologists- I know that they don't all have whips and guns. Some probably carry slingshots, machetes and other blades, or even light explosives. I think the real reason that modern archaeologists have beef with Indy is that they got into the field because they thought they would be leather-clad chick magnets with a devil-may-care attitude and a free pass to travel to exotic locations to meet exotic women and find "booty" (treasure). Class after class, degree after degree, they thought all of these things would eventually just fall into place... and they never came. Oops.
I liked it!
Friday, May 23, 2008
23rd Psalm for Jazz Bassists- Tom Gale?
The Lord is my drummer, I shall not rush.
He maketh me to lay out in tasteful places.
He leadeth me beside cool meter changes;
He restoreth my "one".
Yeah man, though I read through the trickiest of charts,
I will fear no train wrecks;
For You are with it.
He maketh me to lay out in tasteful places.
He leadeth me beside cool meter changes;
He restoreth my "one".
Yeah man, though I read through the trickiest of charts,
I will fear no train wrecks;
For You are with it.
Your ride and your snare, they comfort me.
You setteth up a solo for me
In the presence of mine guitarists.
You setteth up a solo for me
In the presence of mine guitarists.
You annointeth my lines with drive;
My groove overfloweth.
Surely good feel and swing will follow me
Surely good feel and swing will follow me
through all the tunes of each set,
And I will dwell in the pocket the whole gig long.
Amen.
Amen.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Old People and The Atonement
I have to go to the basement of our apartment building to do my laundry. Of course, if I wanted I could take my laundry to some sketchy laundromat where even I might get raped, just as a matter of principle. Each time I decline that opportunity and go for the former option.
Well, on my way down to the "Laundry Lair", I saw an unhealthy Christmas cactus sitting out in the hall. You have to understand that mostly elderly folk live in this complex- and I know an elderly person owns this cactus. The segments were wilting, and it's not necessarily easy to kill one of these. It's a slow process, indicating a vicious sort of neglect. Poignant neglect. Nigh unforgiveable, I'd wager.
I felt bad for the cactus, and decided to help it live on. I am very fond of cactii; I think they are fantastic plants. I currently have some sort of Christmas cactus growing in the apartment whose starting segments came from a plant our family has had since the late 19th century. So.... I took some of the wilting pieces and planted them in a pot on our windowsill. The edges have a different shape than the one I have from my family.
I think it's amazing that you can just cut parts of certain plants off, and have them create a whole, new, complete plant. Hopefully I can save this one... because as you know-
I like cactii.
We just saw The Atonement. We really liked it. Visually, it's beautiful. An excellent juxtaposition of chaos/destructive forces and absolute beauty. Bits are morally questionable from a Christian perspective, but the humanity is undeniable and beautiful. It makes your heart ache and the air explode inside your lungs, so don't see it if you have a condition... or if you like any of the American Pie movies. It didn't have a cliche ending, which we liked. A wonderful meloncholly beautiful even though everything goes wrong film. A romantic drama set in a real turbulent world.
Well, on my way down to the "Laundry Lair", I saw an unhealthy Christmas cactus sitting out in the hall. You have to understand that mostly elderly folk live in this complex- and I know an elderly person owns this cactus. The segments were wilting, and it's not necessarily easy to kill one of these. It's a slow process, indicating a vicious sort of neglect. Poignant neglect. Nigh unforgiveable, I'd wager.
I felt bad for the cactus, and decided to help it live on. I am very fond of cactii; I think they are fantastic plants. I currently have some sort of Christmas cactus growing in the apartment whose starting segments came from a plant our family has had since the late 19th century. So.... I took some of the wilting pieces and planted them in a pot on our windowsill. The edges have a different shape than the one I have from my family.
I think it's amazing that you can just cut parts of certain plants off, and have them create a whole, new, complete plant. Hopefully I can save this one... because as you know-
I like cactii.
We just saw The Atonement. We really liked it. Visually, it's beautiful. An excellent juxtaposition of chaos/destructive forces and absolute beauty. Bits are morally questionable from a Christian perspective, but the humanity is undeniable and beautiful. It makes your heart ache and the air explode inside your lungs, so don't see it if you have a condition... or if you like any of the American Pie movies. It didn't have a cliche ending, which we liked. A wonderful meloncholly beautiful even though everything goes wrong film. A romantic drama set in a real turbulent world.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
A Conversation with the Child Dictator
This is a real conversation I had with someone today.
The roles are myself (Mr. S) and the Child Dictator (C.D.) (5-6 years old)
Previous to this point- C.D. treated another person unfairly and suffered the consequences. Simmering after having been blatantly punished, he begins verbal jousting with Mr. S...
C.D.- Mr. S, you need to apologize.
Mr. S.- Oh really? What for?
C.D.- You should have let me play the xylophone.
Mr. S.- You made some bad choices, and you weren't able to play the xylophone today. Make better choices next time and you will.
C.D.- I'm the strongest world leader...
Mr. S.- What?
C.D.- You should let me play the xylophone because I'm the strongest world leader and I have anger powers. Say you're sorry.
Mr. S.- (pause for comprehension... attempt abandoned)... nope!
C.D.- (consternation) You made "___________" cry. You say you're sorry.
Mr. S.- He also made some bad choices today. You were both punished. Get in line and deal with it.
A few minutes later their schedules would separate them, but as C.D. departed he offered this gem;
C.D.- God is King of the Earth!
You know, I think I was disagreeing with him up until that last point; I think we found some common ground. I can only look forward to the next time that I, Master of the Air People, might work on an alliance with the "Strongest World Leader". His anger powers would certainly be a boon to our forces in the war we desperately wage against the H'Ruuhm Shahhkz.
Until then, Child Dictator.
The roles are myself (Mr. S) and the Child Dictator (C.D.) (5-6 years old)
Previous to this point- C.D. treated another person unfairly and suffered the consequences. Simmering after having been blatantly punished, he begins verbal jousting with Mr. S...
C.D.- Mr. S, you need to apologize.
Mr. S.- Oh really? What for?
C.D.- You should have let me play the xylophone.
Mr. S.- You made some bad choices, and you weren't able to play the xylophone today. Make better choices next time and you will.
C.D.- I'm the strongest world leader...
Mr. S.- What?
C.D.- You should let me play the xylophone because I'm the strongest world leader and I have anger powers. Say you're sorry.
Mr. S.- (pause for comprehension... attempt abandoned)... nope!
C.D.- (consternation) You made "___________" cry. You say you're sorry.
Mr. S.- He also made some bad choices today. You were both punished. Get in line and deal with it.
A few minutes later their schedules would separate them, but as C.D. departed he offered this gem;
C.D.- God is King of the Earth!
You know, I think I was disagreeing with him up until that last point; I think we found some common ground. I can only look forward to the next time that I, Master of the Air People, might work on an alliance with the "Strongest World Leader". His anger powers would certainly be a boon to our forces in the war we desperately wage against the H'Ruuhm Shahhkz.
Until then, Child Dictator.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Heath Ledger? Come ONNNNNN.....
Come on.
I'm not a huge Heath Ledger fan. I haven't seen every movie that he's been in. I liked "10 Things I Hate About You", "Knight's Tale", I saw "The Brothers Grimm", and I've been looking forward to the next Batman. And now... he has become the classic hollywood tragedy, by whatever cause.
I'm not a huge Heath Ledger fan. I haven't seen every movie that he's been in. I liked "10 Things I Hate About You", "Knight's Tale", I saw "The Brothers Grimm", and I've been looking forward to the next Batman. And now... he has become the classic hollywood tragedy, by whatever cause.
When celebrities die, we don't always know what to feel; these people have no idea who we are, but we were born and raised in this media culture. They become a familiar part of our lives... a distant digital family.
There are the celebrity "family" members who you expect to go at anytime, due to their own stupidity. This would apply to skanky celebrity skin puppets (I.E. Anna Nicole Smith). Then there are regular celebrities.... and then there is Heath Ledger.
Regardless of the fact that I haven't seen ALL or even MOST of his movies, I would like to mention a few things that seemed to stand out to me- things that make it harder for me to live in a world without a Heath Ledger.
There are the celebrity "family" members who you expect to go at anytime, due to their own stupidity. This would apply to skanky celebrity skin puppets (I.E. Anna Nicole Smith). Then there are regular celebrities.... and then there is Heath Ledger.
Regardless of the fact that I haven't seen ALL or even MOST of his movies, I would like to mention a few things that seemed to stand out to me- things that make it harder for me to live in a world without a Heath Ledger.
-Heath Ledger seemed to be a private, quiet individual. Who had any problems with Heath Ledger? Nobody. From the way he seemed to act, I have respect for Heath Ledger.
-Heath Ledger was Australian. How cool is that?! (This cool factor diminishes once you move to Australia- unless you are an Australian celebrity)
-Heath seemed to pick projects that he wanted to work on. He didn't just go for "man candy" roles that his initial stardom might have trapped him in.
-Heath Ledger had excellent bone structure.
-His name was Heath Ledger. Heath? Isn't that candy? Awesome.
-He got to play the Joker- my personal favorite supervillain of all time.
- He got to work with that Shannyn Sossamon regularly. She named one of her kids "Audio Science Clayton". I can imagine looking through the glass at the newborns and thinking, "You know, he really looks like an Audio Science Clayton, doesn't he?"
Heath Ledger clearly had a great career in front of him; we only saw glimpses of what he could achieve. And so, we are stuck in our world of Lindsay Lohans, Paris Hiltons, and Britney Spears while talented artists leave our realm. Not fair. You really never know.
-Heath Ledger was Australian. How cool is that?! (This cool factor diminishes once you move to Australia- unless you are an Australian celebrity)
-Heath seemed to pick projects that he wanted to work on. He didn't just go for "man candy" roles that his initial stardom might have trapped him in.
-Heath Ledger had excellent bone structure.
-His name was Heath Ledger. Heath? Isn't that candy? Awesome.
-He got to play the Joker- my personal favorite supervillain of all time.
- He got to work with that Shannyn Sossamon regularly. She named one of her kids "Audio Science Clayton". I can imagine looking through the glass at the newborns and thinking, "You know, he really looks like an Audio Science Clayton, doesn't he?"
Heath Ledger clearly had a great career in front of him; we only saw glimpses of what he could achieve. And so, we are stuck in our world of Lindsay Lohans, Paris Hiltons, and Britney Spears while talented artists leave our realm. Not fair. You really never know.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The Online World, Forwards and Bad Advertising, Paparazzi Solutions
I have always hated forwards. Occasionally I'll check out some of the "Amazing Photo" forwards, but I feel that they're always cheapened by the likelihood that they are photoshopped. Like that shot of the huge great white clamping onto the rescue diver hanging from a helicopter's rope ladder- I would hate to be that guy, and I would hate for that to happen to anyone... but you can't argue that it would make an amazing picture- certainly worthy of a decent forward (if there is such a thing). This discussion of forwards is definitely old territory... from a time when e-mail was a "new", "fun" thing that people were starting to do... something "novel". Now, people only send forwards to frustrated co-workers, who then talk about how lame the sender is with all the other co-workers around the water cooler. And as you know, every respectable place of employment has a specific area carefully designated as "the water cooler". It's where everyone talks about everything you should know about.
The real reason I'm writing about forwards is that I wanted to indirectly get to bad advertising. Forwards are ads for products that aren't being sold, which certainly explains most normal peoples' natural aversion. It's trying to sell you a worthless nothing... they really just want to take up your time as you scroll through what must be yards and yards of digital nonsense that some bozo took hours to make... perfectly representing Buddha with "@" symbols and dashes.
Anyways....
Bad advertising. You see plenty of it on the sides of web pages where it bores into your subconscious. You want to play that game to win the IPod... whether it's to punch George Bush in the head, catch the baby, or smash the red tarantula. It's always tempting; you've had a day peppered with failure and you see this opportunity- "yeah... I could shoot that duck". You want to go for it, but you know that approximately 15 new windows are going to pop up and you won't even have the satisfaction of completing the game.
Bad advertising. "Learn the secret that no one wants you to know about ________." This secret could literally be about anything. People have had bad ideas since the beginning of time, and the internet now makes these bad ideas travel must faster. I shudder to think of the things doctors will be treating when our generation reaches retirement and beyond. "I learned this secret online that promised to make my __________ (bigger/ smaller) in 2-4 months! No one wanted me to know this!" When there are secrets, human nature drives us to seek the truth... to find out these mysterious things that THE MAN perpetually keeps from us. I guess that's technically good advertising, but it's still stupid.
I would like to conclude with some thoughts about the paparazzi. We continually see celebrities' personal lives shattering due to many pressures. There is clearly too much concern over image, and the lives they are forced to lead due to these pressures are twisted. With the additional weight of the monstrous paparazzi forcing them to run to their cars and be blinded 3 times over, it's no wonder they go loco. I don't need to describe the situation in any more detail- you know what I'm talking about.
As a correctional measure aimed at reducing the celebrity insanity trend, I suggest an open season on all paparazzi. If you are a legitimate celebrity, registered on lists A-F, and if you find yourself being bombarded by pesky folk with cameras, you should be able to go on the offensive. Maybe some stars could set up tree stands in LA... put a salt lick at the base of their tree and wait for the bloodthirsty photographers to gather. One by one, they could pick them off. Maybe we could then get rid of Entertainment Tonight. I hope everyone on that show hates themselves every day at work. Based on the pace of the show and its content, they clearly encourage the development of a nation consisting entirely of mindless (dare I say it)... zombies.
Forwards are stupid, internet advertising is a great idea with many bad examples, and the paparazzi are bloodthirsty monsters that are poisoning our culture and potential heroes.
The real reason I'm writing about forwards is that I wanted to indirectly get to bad advertising. Forwards are ads for products that aren't being sold, which certainly explains most normal peoples' natural aversion. It's trying to sell you a worthless nothing... they really just want to take up your time as you scroll through what must be yards and yards of digital nonsense that some bozo took hours to make... perfectly representing Buddha with "@" symbols and dashes.
Anyways....
Bad advertising. You see plenty of it on the sides of web pages where it bores into your subconscious. You want to play that game to win the IPod... whether it's to punch George Bush in the head, catch the baby, or smash the red tarantula. It's always tempting; you've had a day peppered with failure and you see this opportunity- "yeah... I could shoot that duck". You want to go for it, but you know that approximately 15 new windows are going to pop up and you won't even have the satisfaction of completing the game.
Bad advertising. "Learn the secret that no one wants you to know about ________." This secret could literally be about anything. People have had bad ideas since the beginning of time, and the internet now makes these bad ideas travel must faster. I shudder to think of the things doctors will be treating when our generation reaches retirement and beyond. "I learned this secret online that promised to make my __________ (bigger/ smaller) in 2-4 months! No one wanted me to know this!" When there are secrets, human nature drives us to seek the truth... to find out these mysterious things that THE MAN perpetually keeps from us. I guess that's technically good advertising, but it's still stupid.
I would like to conclude with some thoughts about the paparazzi. We continually see celebrities' personal lives shattering due to many pressures. There is clearly too much concern over image, and the lives they are forced to lead due to these pressures are twisted. With the additional weight of the monstrous paparazzi forcing them to run to their cars and be blinded 3 times over, it's no wonder they go loco. I don't need to describe the situation in any more detail- you know what I'm talking about.
As a correctional measure aimed at reducing the celebrity insanity trend, I suggest an open season on all paparazzi. If you are a legitimate celebrity, registered on lists A-F, and if you find yourself being bombarded by pesky folk with cameras, you should be able to go on the offensive. Maybe some stars could set up tree stands in LA... put a salt lick at the base of their tree and wait for the bloodthirsty photographers to gather. One by one, they could pick them off. Maybe we could then get rid of Entertainment Tonight. I hope everyone on that show hates themselves every day at work. Based on the pace of the show and its content, they clearly encourage the development of a nation consisting entirely of mindless (dare I say it)... zombies.
Forwards are stupid, internet advertising is a great idea with many bad examples, and the paparazzi are bloodthirsty monsters that are poisoning our culture and potential heroes.
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